Falling, Into Oblivion (Mazzy~Kyro)

[Velnias]

Lena

When I wanted to tell you I made a mistake

I walked away

Black.

White.

Gray on white.

Black on red.

I blinked, I closed my eyes again.

Vision washed over me, then was zapped away again. In my mind, I thought, Not again, please, not again... I shook it away, churning my head violently back and forth as dots swam. Red blood ran the corners of my eyes, or so I thought from my frantic searching around me. But how? My eyes were closed...

...But of course, it was a futile escape always. Because no matter how deep I pushed her, how deep I embedded myself, how guilty I always felt about her...I tried to hide her as best I could. But she saw through my eyes, felt my worries. And she is overtaking me now... I knew, and it made the search for sanctuary all the more desperate. Although here, out over the cliffs, there was only one plce to go. It lead to nowhere, to eternity.

I asked myself often if it meant eternity with a curse.

It peaked, the searing pain in my temples. I screamed a silent call, my head resting on the cold granite slabs. My eyes were covered and shut. Perhaps no one could see me here, then, hidden in this obscure place, a crack in a wall never meant to be found? Perhaps no one could see us here, and see my eyes changing from a deep violet to an invading and offensive sharp fuchsia. Maybe. Only me and her, that way, no one could stop us. No one could stop her onslaught, vicious and recurring, and no one could calm my racking body. Therefore, there would be no one to stop me if I chose what seemed the inevitable decision. These cliffs and their niched caves...they were sharp. Dangerous, I know. I could heave my body into a rock, and the last thing I would feel would be the spines of rock like spear tips, piercing my hide, infecting my blood. Anything would be better than this, for it was in my mind.

But secretly, I knew. That meant she also knew.

The lst thing both of us would feel would be our dying breaths, embracing. Mingling. Our nostrils flaring at once, eyes seeing at once, heart aching at once. We knew it so well.

The last thing we would feel would be guilt oozing from our wounds, with no place to go but to be soaked up into each other's hearts. Cold would overtake us and we would be gone.

Last seen in each other's forbidden embrace. Where we always wanted to be.

I never wanted to feel that. Being there I could handle, but I couldn't possibly manage the feeling. The sunken, bloated feeling. Guilt, hopelessness, truth. But we would escape the shame.

No, no. I struggled to one knee. It bent, limber and weak in front of me. I leaned into it, my mouth screwing into a grimace. All of the hot breath in my lungs huffed out of me and evaporated. It drained me and I sank back to the ground. My belly and folded legs rested on it. Seeking its hard reassurance, I allowed my forehead to return to rest on it. The cool surface revived me after a moment and a tear was squeezed from my tightly shut eyes. I tried another attempt, feeling my hind legs claw at the slick floor and finally catch on a jutting rock. I gathered my fleeting breath and my chest swelled, pressed into the cavern floor. My strength was pulled into my neck, my chest. I flung it skyward, heaving my mane and head with it. My wild eyes rolled white for the first time, finally gasping open.

I stood shakily on all fours, feeling like I was standing on space. Nothing surrounded me in blackness. Then, the sight flooded back to me. Gray, silver sheens of rock allowed the dim moon to bounce off of them. The shadowy niche was tiny and thin, and I wondered how I had led myself into this obcscure tunnel, down that long and ominous passage that breached the rock wall. I wondered how long we had fought over control. I wondered how long, if at all, she had controlled me in gaps between our brawls. I felt empty and weightless. Testing my limits, I watched as my forelimb stepped out. I heard its hollow clatter, hoff against stone. I felt the subtle vibration coursing up my dark leg.

Nohing. Still only me. My better -or worse- ltter half had gone silent.

Space carried me, one step at a time. I saw the thin veils of moonlight shining down the crack in the tunnel that must lead out of this solitary place. I followed it with nothing else to follow. It shined on my face and illuminated my striking, peaceful features. Solemn. The calm comes before the storm.

As I emerged into the light, I felt like I was rising from my body, like I was finally overcoming Yulia's lurking presence, healing myself.

It was in this way that I sank, sank into the ground, sank into the sea so easily, sank into my mind. And finally, peace. It didn't matter that I had subsided.

Yulia

They're not gonna stop us

They don't understand us

Pushed away. Shoved away. Quieted. Hushed.

I was dispersed in her mind. Never allowed to immerse myself in the real world.

Kept a secret, forbidden and futile. It was cruel. I had to escape it. I was always here, here for so long...I couldn't bear it. Once, there was companionshiop. Trust, genuine love. But no more. I still felt it, I still felt her hoping it deep in her mind. I ran in her blood. I know she hates to forget things.

But I couldn't understand Lena now. She kept me stowed away. As if I was a curse...she pretended I wasn't here. I had apolgized so long ago for everything I had done, everything I had caused. But still it seemed like she hated my being here with her. I felt trapped. It was only my conscience, slipping away day by day, sliver by sliver, that allowed me to go aklong with it. I still loved her. But how much longer would it last?

Me and my fickle hope.

So when I was released after the struggle, it felt so good. At first it stung, it hurt, it twisted anxiety in my gut. But then it immersed me in my senses. I felt myself fall in control, and I could see through her eyes, my eyes, and feel the hot breath escaping my nostrils. The sharp breath of the wind whipped at my mane and I knew. I felt strong, I felt good. So good. Alive.

And I knew.

Lena had fallen. I had won.

Goodbye, Lena. Goodbye you, and your disgusting guilt.

I turned into the wind, let the stars illuminate my dark eyes and sharper face. I breathed in the stillness of the cliffs.

A bubble of a laugh, shameless, escaped my lips.

OOC: I have an **awesome** header and piccy for them, I'll upload it later. Post when ready.